Saturday, May 14, 2011

Un, deux, à quatre ... et puis trois!

Heads up, I’m an emotional train wreck now due to hormones and the slight hesitation of wanting not to share this very personal experience that we went through. Nevertheless, I write just to let it out for the first time. This blog entry is one week in the making, I didn’t know exactly how and where to start.

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Oh no, we did it! I’m very very excited to announce that Mr. G and I are expecting Baby G around early November! J

So much had happened the past few months and I’m not even sure where to begin my story. So much tears, frustration, happiness of course, and a whole lot of nausea.

I’m planning to share all these things to you guys hoping that my absence would be understood, and forgiven.

My story starts exactly on the afternoon of March 3, when I realized I was a few days delayed from my period. I remember that day clearly because I had a client cancel on a photo shoot and I found myself being “bored” and couldn’t wait for Mr. G to come home so that we could take a home pregnancy test together. I decided to go to the drugstore to buy a few since it was my first time to take one ever, I wasn’t sure of how accurate it would be, and how many I would need. I hurried back home and took the test. The first one came out positive instantly. The box even said I had to wait 3 minutes for the lines to come out… It didn’t take 3 minutes. It came out before I could even pull up my pants. My reaction… DISBELIEF. I was in shock and for some reason I found myself peeing on another stick a few minutes later. And of course, another positive came out instantly. J

Note to all the happy go pee wannabe mothers out there… NEVER TELL YOUR HUSBANDS THE NEWS OVER THE PHONE! Their reactions SHOULD BE PRICELESS and it pains me that I never got to see it. We always joke around though and reenact the whole scenario. But of course, nothing beats and will ever beat the real thing.

So there, now that part of the month is settled. We move to a few days after… Our first doctor’s appointment was in March too. We found out that we were having TWINS! I wasn’t really unprepared to hear that. I come from a family with multiple births scattered on all generations. I knew in my heart even before I wanted kids, that I had a big chance of having multiples. I was born with what my doctors told me was a hyperovulating gene.

Mr. G and I we’re in cloud 9. We had dreams for our fraternal twins, we had names, (majority of fraternal twins are boy-girl) we practically had their lives planned out in a span of a few days. BUT the elation to this news didn’t last long. I wasn’t even prepared to part ways with it when a few days later, I had some light bleeding and had to be rushed back to see the doctor. The babies were still there, but at 4weeks, the doctors told me that there was a high chance of miscarriage if I didn’t take things easy. I had to relax, not work, be off my feet. I had to be on bed rest for a few weeks with no strenuous activity except for bathing and toilet privileges. The bleeding subsided after several days and I was happy. I was told that it was implantation bleeding and was advised to come back for a repeat ultrasound the day of my next visit a few weeks after.

April 5 came and I was glad to leave the house, much more get out of bed. I couldn’t be more excited to see my little precious peas once again. I did everything the doctors told me to, stay off my feet, be on my back, try minimize the nausea by having a routine for snacks every 2 hours, and so on. What could possibly go wrong after relaxing for 2 weeks right? Of course, I never entertained the word MISCARRIAGE.

A few minutes onto our scan and I noticed that the doctor wasn’t facing to monitor to me. The first time I had my scan, they immediately did. The unimaginable happened, no one tells you how painful it is to be told that you lost a baby. I could have sworn that time froze for a few minutes while I was internalizing the news… and then I saw the monitor and reality struck… One placenta was empty. No sac, no baby. The other one was quietly resting in another placenta. Strong, healthy, 140 heart beats per minute. I was torn apart, I wanted to cry, but I was happy and grateful for that one life clinging on to me. Full of hope.

I had what’s called, Vanishing Twin Syndrome. You can read all about it in the link.

So, to say that my pregnancy experience is a roller coaster ride is really an understatement. How does one deal with having two then back to one in a matter of weeks? How do you explain that to people? How do you cope with the loss and still remain happy because of the other? To say that I know all the answers to that would be a big lie. Mr. G and I just deal with it on a day to day basis. Maybe until our little pea is born, I’ll have my sad days. But I do know there’s hope. I know that Mr. G and I have all the love in the world to share with our little pea. Our other pea (angel pea) was loved, and will always be remembered. And I’m definitely not making this sad experience rule my days. I refuse to sulk all day about it and I refuse to be traumatized with the experience. After my little pea is born, I am definitely planning to have more babies.

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